Today I had an existential crisis a job interview! I need a job so badly that I applied for claims processing at a rental equipment insurance company. So when Company A offers a gym or a salon, but doesn’t actually own a treadmill or tanning bed, they rent that equipment from Company B. The pieces of equipment are insured by Company C, who subcontact the claims processes to Company D.
I need a job so desperately that it didn’t seem even a little bit funny to write an application about my unique attributes that would make me an excellent candidate for the position at Company D. (Actually, I need a job so much that last week I applied and interviewed for a merchandising job, even though I have post-traumatic retail syndrome and I break out in hives from the words like on-boarding and signage.)
So I showed up for the claims-processing adventure, and had quite the interview about my goals… Which was weird because data entry has nothing to do with my goals, or, um, anyone’s goals. Is there a child somewhere who wants to be an insurance clerk or a claims adjuster when they grow up? So it was miserably depressing because I was trying to sound like the Best Candidate for the job, trying pretending to be the greatest typing drone and friendliest coworker so I could end up with a job that I didn’t particularly want.
No, really, my disillusionment gets worse. In order to proceed to the second interview, I had to take a handwriting analysis test. I’m almost afraid to mention this part because you might not believe me. But it’s totally true. Apparently they screen for “important qualities” in the handwriting test. I thought it was a joke and almost told the interviewer my horoscope sign. (I’m a Taurus and my Chinese sign is a rooster… So my horoscope is literally cock and bull.)
I liked the job when I first applied because they’re open 7am to 9pm, so I could have flexible hours, but now I feel like that’s exactly the problem. I don’t want to work a typing job all day so I can afford a gym membership… from a gym with rented and insured equipment. I don’t want to go tanning because I’m inside working all day and can’t get any real sun.
This is not for me.