The Case Of The Haunted Windshield

When I was a kid, one of my favorite jokes was about the Viper. A lady in a big house all alone gets a call from “the viper” telling her he’ll see her tomorrow… then tonight… then in 1 hour… then in 10 minutes… and then a man arrives to vash and vipe the vindows! I thought that was the funniest joke ever, only I used to mix it up and tell it about the Vindow Vasher.(Note to any potential employers: I promise I don’t laugh at ESL pronunciation anymore. I also know that a viper is a snake now, too.)

I’m telling you this so you know that haunted window cleaning was part of my consciousness before last week. Last week, you see, our car developed phantom wipers. When we start the car, the wipers turn themselves on for a few swipes, and then stop. Sometimes while I’m driving on one of these gorgeous sunny fall days, they’ll do one swish of the windshield too. They keep the windshield clear when it’s raining, and the car is running well in all other ways. The wipers just switch on randomly for an extra swish every day or so.

It’s probably karmic retribution for telling the Vindow Viper joke on an infinite loop for large portions of my childhood. Or it’s just my special brand of entropy that causes cars around me to self-destruct.

So far the only way to stop the wipers from going on is to tell someone to watch this crazy thing the wipers do, and then start the car. Nothing happens.