I’ve never made it to the top of the Gardening skill track in the Sims, but I’m pretty sure that the top proficiency is “Meg’s Granny” skill level. At this proficiency level, you use a stick to stake an amaryllis, and the stick grows. True story.
Unfortunately, I didn’t exactly inherit that. I still love picking out plants, I love the heavy moist air in greenhouses, the smell of potting soil and mulch, and all the trays of pale-green seedlings. After careful consideration of all the potted flowers, I settled on an orchid, beautiful and delicate, with the added benefit that they crack me up, in a etymology kind of way.
“These are guaranteed easy orchids!” the checkout girl said. Picture someone who gives 115% effort, and who wears extra pieces of flair.
“Well, easy for some people.” I said.
“No, I mean, there’s a store guarantee. For a year! Just bring back the dead plant and the receipt!”
“Are you absolutely sure? Hardy plants turn into withered brown stalks around me. I buy plants as a symbol of boundless optimism in the face of insurmountable odds.”
“For a replacement if we have another in stock, or a giftcard for the full value so you can buy a new flower!”
I have high hopes for my pretty new flower, but I also have the receipt in an envelope marked orchid insurance.