In Which I Am Very Old

A few days ago, I slipped on the stairs outside Harold’s apartment, and fell about half a flight, hitting my back on every step on the way down. It was…. not my finest moment. I tried to handle it with some ice and some Advil, but by that evening, it was pretty clear that I was becoming less mobile, so Harold finally made me go to an urgent care. (Also Harold would like you all to know that he demanded I see a doctor, and that left to my own devices, I probably wouldn’t have gone, and then all hell would have broken loose, and also that he was right and I was wrong.)

Not too much damage, at least. I’ve got some bruising on my lower back, and apparently that means when I sit down, stand up, cross my legs, or, um, BREATHE,  it sends spasms up my whole back. That is a serious design flaw. The doctor gave me an assortment of muscle relaxants and pain meds, took some X-rays, and told me I wouldn’t be going to the gym for a while and that I probably shouldn’t drive, either. (At least something is going my way.)

About the painkillers: I can not believe people take these recreationally… I’ve been slow-witted and dull since I started taking them. Harold and I were watching The Shield, and I spent the whole time asking him what was going on. Who’s that guy? Why’s he stealing money? Is he a cop? What’s in the gym bag? What’s going on now? I imagine I was a delightful companion in every way.

If there is anything that makes one feel as old as having a hurt back, I don’t know what it is. And I don’t really want to know.

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12 Responses to In Which I Am Very Old

  1. Bill says:

    Could have been worse. You could have broken your hip. If there is a core old lady injury it is the broken hip.

    And can you imagine that there are people for whom that is their base mental state? Even undrugged?

    • Meg says:

      Yeah, plus I only have a few more days of this, not like a broken bone where it would be weeks of healing.

      (I was really disappointed by the meds, I was hoping for cool floaty feelings or Dr. House-superpowers.)

  2. Andrea says:

    Ian says “Knees”. Just because that’s the kind of helpful, thoughtful cousin he is. 🙂

  3. bethie says:

    On the bright side, now you know what it’s like for me when I watch a movie. Without drugs. “Who’s that guy? Why’s he stealing money? Is he a cop? What’s in the gym bag? What’s going on now?” Is just normal movie/tv watching for me. It’s why I watch movies so many times, over and over. And is why I like 30 Rock so much. It’s so weird I don’t have to pretend I can follow it.

    Also, to address the point of your story… I felt like that last year when I hurt my knee. I still have a numb spot on the top of my knee. I don’t think it’s going to come back.

    • Meg says:

      Haha! I’ve never thought you were like that at movies! And I thought you just liked to watch a couple special movies a lot, the way I like to watch Harry Potter a lot, or Dad watches Dave. Because that’s how awesome HP is!

  4. bridget says:

    Hug – wait, that might hurt you, and you’re all the way in NYC or NC. Mental hug? Batch of Knock You Naked Brownies?

    If there is anything that makes one feel as old as having a hurt back, I don’t know what it is. And I don’t really want to know.

    Needing to drink prune juice.

    • Meg says:

      What? Prune juice is the drink of Klingon warriors!

      (I hope you saw that episode, and you don’t think I am writing random things in a pain-med haze)

  5. Stick says:

    “About the painkillers: I can not believe people take these recreationally… I’ve been slow-witted and dull since I started taking them.” That’s where all the slow-witted dull people come from.

    Seriously, I hope you’re okay. Please, take care of yourself and feel better soon.

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