Though no particular setting, theme, or plot is anathema to us, the following are likely hard sells:

* stories in which a milquetoast civilian government is depicted as the sole obstacle to either catching some depraved criminal or to an uncomplicated military victory
* stories in which the words “thou” or “thine” appear
* talking cats
* talking swords
* stories where the climax is dependent on the spilling of intestines
* stories where FTL travel is as easy as is it on television shows or movies
* time travel too
* stories that depend on some vestigial belief in Judeo-Christian mythology in order to be frightening (i.e., Cain and Abel are vampires, the End Times are a’ comin’, Communion wine turns to Christ’s literal blood and it’s HIV positive, Satan’s gonna getcha, etc.)
* stories about rapist-murderer-cannibals
* stories about young kids playing in some field and discovering ANYTHING. (a body, an alien craft, Excalibur, ANYTHING).
* stories about the stuff we all read in Scientific American three months ago
* stories where the Republicans, or Democrats, or Libertarians, or the Spartacist League, etc. take over the world and either save or ruin it
* your AD&D game
* “funny” stories that depend on, or even include, puns
* sexy vampires, wanton werewolves, or lusty pirates
* zombies or zombie-wannabes
* stories originally intended for someone’s upcoming theme anthology or issue
* stories where the protagonist is either widely despised or widely admired simply because he or she is just so smart and/or strange

I’d like to add sideplots that exist just to get all the characters naked (I’m looking at you, Piers Anthony), and XKCD’s made-up words rule.

Via Clarkesworld Magazine, and XKCD

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The Ancient Bracelet Of Detect Plot

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“Sure,” Stick said, loading Facebook. Thank goodness for Facebook, because otherwise people like me who move a lot and are totally irresponsible would have trouble keeping up with everyone. “Look, there’s a Burger King perfume! Can you believe that?”

“Can I have Hugo and Diana‘s address too?” I wished some of our classics friends a good Saturnalia, and some pagan friends a good Solstice.

“Sorry, I got sidetracked. What did you need? Hey, look, movie scenes done in stick figures!”

I wrote a card to Isabelle.

“Whoa! Listen! Which 80′s movie are you?”

“Now I need Josh and Terri, Hugo and Diana, and I need the King-Learys’ address too.” (Note: I am often accused of exaggerating on this blog, so I’m letting you know that I did not make that up. I’ve been trying to convince them to hyphenate for years, since the King-Leary wedding.) “The Egglestons, and Steph and Jeff, my cousins, and both your brothers.”

“Ok, just as soon as I take this quiz to find out which Lord Of The Rings character I am.”

Maybe I ought to get an address book.

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The Wonders Of Technology

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Pirates!

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China has censored part of the latest instalment of hit Hollywood movie “Pirates of the Caribbean” for “vilifying and defacing the Chinese”, the official Xinhua news agency said on Friday.

“Chinese censors also cut Chow’s line in which he states ‘Welcome to Singapore’ because it hints Singapore is a land of pirates …,” Xinhua added.

No word on whether the back room DVD shops stock have the American or the Chinese version of the movie.

BBC article here, Reuters here

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Chinese Movie Pirates

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China is home to the Beijing Internet Addiction Treatment Center. It may not be totally unwarrented, as this article on a serial cyber-husband, whose internet dating cost real cash and a huge GPA decline, shows. I’m not entirely sure how one cures internet addiction… does the treatment center fake a power outage? Do they find girlfriends for the nerds in page-refresh recovery? Do they enlist all the addicts in a week-long D&D game?

Also, the CPC is worried that these gamers are learning about dark elves and snipers, but not about Mao. So now the Chinese government has asked the Shanghai-based gaming company Shanda to develop a new game, called Chinese Heroes. In this game, players will learn about Chinese history and tradition virtues. No word on if there’s a dragon boat race to rescue a drowning poet.

In case you think China was inspired by America’s Army, some tasks include carrying bricks and answering questions about the hero’s life. I’m not sure how that’s going to pull players away from WoW, but Puzzle Pirates’ block games were surprisingly addictive. No release date yet.

Little Red Blog’s take and PC Magazine’s article

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China’s New Altruism Videogame

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I’m not mocking Renn faires, really. I like the shows, the food, the flirty boys and the knife-throwing competition. Actually, I like everything about going to a fair except the ubiquitous Renn Accent. If you’ve been to a fair, you know what I mean, it’s half Olliver Twist and half speech impediment. I don’t get it.

Anyway, Allison and her boyfriend, sorry, I mean her fiance, thought it would be great to have a Renn wedding. Oh, did I somehow forget to mention that Allison is pagan? So each bridesmaid gets to dress in renn garb, in the colors of an element.

I’m Air. No, I don’t know why, Allison started to tell me about my aura but I wasn’t really listening. She wants me to choose fabric that seems like air, but won’t let me go naked. She also won’t let Mama Hoffmann make me a dress out of bubble wrap.

Allison assures us that the money spent on these clothes isn’t wasted since we’ll get to wear the outfits every time we go to a Renn faire. (Personally, I think the bubble-wrap dress would be more cost effective, but she STILL said no.)

Allison’s punk little sister (Fire) asked if she could dye her hair red. Eric and Anna, both engineers, both Earth, wanted to build a rock costume, with camouflage and moving parts.

Poor Allison looked at us as though she’d been cursed with WEIRD friends.

(I don’t think we’ll tell her that Stick isn’t getting a tux or garb for the wedding. He’s going to dress as the Spanish Inquisition.)

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Weird Friends

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I think that’s a serious design flaw.

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Puzzle Pirates

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