Seriously, American money has a big purple number on it now?
Screaming Fanboys At The Historical Society
I’m doing some work for my mom, making a blog for her museum. It’s a great project, although I’m not exactly knowledgable about history or art in the last 2000 years, so she has to keep me from writing things like “Come to an old house and look at stuff!” and “Some famous guy is going to talk about the pretty things here.”
We were talking about the tone for the blog, and how I won’t be saying “This wasn’t made by Romans, but it’s still old.” and about the colors my mom wants to use, and how even a small typo in a good article lowers the whole feeling of the site. Like teh for the, my mom says.
“Teh is so common it’s a joke in games journalism.” I agree.
“A joke? How can a typo be a joke?”
“If you really like something, you might use teh and a bunch of superlatives and a couple ones instead of exclamation points.” This is not the most intuitive description ever. In my mom’s terms, teh coolest historically accurate arts-and-crafts movement furniture evah!!!1!1!1!
“That’s not particularly funny.” My mom says. I’m kind of with her there, internet jokes rarely translate well to actual verbal communication.
“It’s sarcastic.”
“How is that sarcastic?”
“It’s making fun of screaming fanboy game reviews.”
“Screaming fanboy?”
At least we agree on a deep dislike for anything that pops up, blinks or flashes.
Bible Thumping
It’s the first year of Vacation Bible School in my dad’s new church, and everyone wants it to be a success. Parents have been interrogated about their children’s allergies to avoid snack-time disasters. In addition to the usual contraband crafts materials (glitter and permanent marker have been banned from decorating Sunday school popsicle-stick crafts from time immemorial), I was asked not to use facepaint on the kids, in case they got it on their clothes or came out in a rash.
I set up the crafts table with washable Crayola markers and non toxic stickers, hoping no one would ask if they were acid-free. There was no glitter, no facepaint sticks, no permanent colors, no sticky glue, and my name-writing Sharpie was hidden carefully away where no one could possible get black-dotted clothes. I smiled at my work, and went upstairs to the sanctuary.
I hadn’t gotten both feet in the door when the cry went out for an ice pack for one of the children.
Enthusiastic singing had claimed it’s first victim.
Perfect Tweet
The world’s unending criticism of China saddens me. The fact that much of the criticism is well deserved saddens me more.
This so accurately describes how I feel when I read the paper or look at the news online.
Posted in New York City
Tagged China, Chinese life, CNReviews, New York City, twitter
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Meme Sheep #080808
There’s a Chinese Twitter meme going around now, Twitter users — I’m supposed to say “Twitterati” and not “Twits” — are adding #080808 to their icons and tweets. David Feng explains more on CNReviews, and Ryan has a collection of #080808 twitter icons.
I don’t have the awesome art skills of other people doing this meme (I’m looking at you, Ryan!), but I wanted to join the party, and add an American #080808. And what’s more American than McDonalds? (Even if is this is the one in Hohhot)
So here’s Ronald and me being meme sheep. Ba ba ba.
Posted in New Jersey, Other Blogs
Tagged as seen in Beijing, awesome, Beijing Olympics 2008, BeijingRRR, China, chinese, CNReviews, Eric, McDonalds, New Jersey, other blogs, twitter
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The Pastor’s Daughter
I got my license several years ago in Massachusetts, but it expired while I was in China, and now that I’m home in New Jersey, I’d like to drive legally. Today I spent a couple hours on the phone with various DMV employees trying to make that happen.
My license is both expired and out-of-state, which isn’t exactly the ideal state of things, so I didn’t expect the first person who picked up the phone at the Department of Motor Vehicles to know what I needed. But after speaking to several people who had no idea what I’d need to do and weren’t particularly inclined to find out, I started to wonder if everyone else times their international travel with their license expiration. The phone recording told me several times that they are experiencing heavy call volume, aren’t any of those folks calling about an expired license? Is it one of those things that everyone else gets right, and only I do wrong?
It was looking more and more like the only way to find out what I’d need to do was to gather all the paperwork I might need, and go down to the DMV in person, where I couldn’t be put on hold. I called my dad.
“Dad? Are you busy?”
“I’m keeping my congregation from throwing each other to the lions right now,” (Note: This is not exactly word-for-word what he said. I think he said something less about lions and more about being in a meeting) “Do you need something?”
“Can you take me to the DMV tomorrow* to get my license renewed? And stand around in lines all day to see unhelpful people?”
“Ok. I’ll even wear my clerical collar, maybe we won’t get anyone really nasty.”
I knew being the pastor’s daughter was eventually going to work out for me!
*Before we left, though, I found out that I need to have my driving records mailed from Massachusetts, which is a bit of a pain but at least it’s an answer. And then I need to present my records, my 6 forms of ID and my self at the DMV, so I’m still scheduled for a day waiting in line.
Posted in New Jersey
Tagged China, driving, Eric, mail, Massachusetts, my family is crazy, New Jersey, travel
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A Guide To Visiting Journalists
Kaiser Kuo has written a brilliant Guide for Visiting Journalists, to avoid the awkward Bylines-At-Customs type of writing so scathingly described by Huo Lei Feng, and to avoid the shallow cliches that make us cringe. Here’s an excerpt:
Topping the list of forbidden clichés is the phrase “coming out party.” As apt as it may have been when first used with reference to the Games shortly after they were awarded to Beijing back in 2001, after appearing in 75.4% of stories about the 2008 Olympics in the seven intervening years, it now incites English-speaking expats to an ugly, violent rage. Use it at your own peril; you have been warned.
Please do not write “Beijing is a city of stark contrasts” and refrain from using any variation thereof — “a city of startling juxtapositions,” or (needless to say) “a city of yin and yang.” Not that it isn’t a city of, um, rather pronounced differences; it’s just too damned lazy an observation to make. A special enjoinder to photographers: please resist the temptation to position yourself in a hutong with a decrepit but charming tile-roofed courtyard home in the foreground and a shiny, hyper-modern steel-and-glass skyscraper rising behind. No using Blade Runner comparisons for Beijing. You’ll want to save those for Shanghai, believe me.
The bureaus of reputable western papers here in China have a rule against quoting taxi drivers. But since Beijing’s cabbies are so fabulously colorful, you will be permitted one exception. Make it a good one. Helpful hint: That story about efforts by our city’s cabbies to learn English phrases? That one’s been written several thousand times so please, anything but that one.
Dead on, Kaiser Kuo! (But it’s still ok to try to work “as if by an occult hand” into your stories.)
USA Today On Pre-Olympics Security, Regulations, Visas
I’m quoted in USA Today, in an article about the pre-Olympic security measures and visa restrictions. The article talks to disappointed Beijingers — Chinese residents, long-term ex-pats and tourists — about their pre-Olympic experiences. It’s worth reading, although it’s a sad look at my dear Beijing. And it seems to confirm my worries that due to security measures and general pre-games clean-up, Olympic visitors will be missing so many of the things I love in Beijing.
The whole article is here Beijing’s welcome is a mix of pride, spies and suspicion – USATODAY.com and here’s the parts about us:
China’s new approach to foreign visitors was why Meg Stivison left the country last month with her boyfriend, Chris Malavette, and will watch the Olympics from her parents’ home in New Jersey instead.
Stivison, 27, says she moved back after her boyfriend’s visa wasn’t extended. Previous extensions had been a formality during their two years in China as teachers. “I cried on the way to the airport; I was absolutely miserable,” Stivison says. “It didn’t occur to me that China would throw out two people who love China.”
Actually, that’s not quite my boyfriend’s last name, a typo which means he remains anonymously Stick! I think I’ll use Malavette from now on when talking about Stick’s family. Plus the next time we have a discussion about why I don’t want to change my name, I have another reason. Clearly Stivison works better in print than Malavette.
Edit 8/17:
Friends have pointed out this article in Korean, Portuguese and Chinese.
It was also used by the Roanoke Daily Herald:
New Jersey native Meg Stivison, 27, and her boyfriend have been teachers in China for the past two years. The government routinely extended her boyfriend’s visa during this period-but not now. “I cried on the way to the airport,” Stivison said. “It didn’t occur to me that China would throw out two people who love China.”
Posted in Beijing
Tagged China, chinese, Chinese life, family, games, General, my boyfriend, New Jersey, reading, Stick
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As Seen On Craig’s List
I saw this ad while browsing Craig’s List.
Need someone to edit my essays
I need someone to read over two essays I’m writing as part of a job application. I don’t have much money to offer, however, maybe I can take you out for coffee or something like that.
P.S. This is not an offer for sex or anything like that.
Yes, I often mistake unpaid editing work for a sexual offer. This may be why I have trouble freelancing.
Posted in North Carolina
Tagged coffee, Craig's List, freelancing, job hunting, North Carolina
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Ten Years Off
I went with my mom today to get our nails done, and the manicurist asked me if I was starting 11th grade or 12th grade.
Posted in New York City
Tagged Chinese life, Jersey girl, New Jersey, New York City, pretending to be an adult, repatriation
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