Tormenting Teenagers For Fun And Profit

I was asked to teach one lesson of an ongoing class for Singapore Academy, the head teacher’s class actually, and she would be observing me. Does this mean a teacher is making the academic decisions in the school? Too good to be true!

Usually, I don’t do demo classes, it seems to invite too many scams. Unscrupulous schools invite prospective teachers for an unpaid demo lesson, then charge students extra for a visit from a special teacher. Or the school can arrange multiple demos, and pass the group of applicants off as an endless variety of foreign employees. But I’ve got a pretty honest vibe from Mr. Singapore, and had a good chat with the head teacher, Olive, so I decided to give it a shot.

The school’s office, where I met Mr. Singapore last time, is in a lovely modern mall, with Gucci, Mudd and Boss shops, and a not-Starbucks offering armchairs, wireless and coffee that was actually brewed. Women in trendy black spitz perfume or offer makeup samples, and there’s a kiosk to put your own face into a bobblehead doll.

The actual school is across the road and down the block, on the fifth floor of a disused vocational college.

Maybe I was given the best class to show how great the students are, but whatever the reason, they were fantastic. They were still Chinese teenagers, a bit inclined to embarrassed silences when put on the spot, but they were happy to raise their hands, offer English words, answer my questions and read aloud. They were attentive without waiting in passive silence for the answers to be given. There was a bit of talking, but in my mind, conferring to find the correct English word or catching a confused classmate up to speed is a good thing, not a discipline problem. With one exception, they gave creative answers when I took class in a silly direction. (I was meant to teach simple past so we wrote a group story about the worst vacation ever.)

It went very well, and afterwards I had a good talk with the Olive about the program’s goals, the students’ plans and so forth. There’s actually a test for students to get into the program… I’ve heard there’s one for our primary school too but I think it tests your bank balance. And the kids are preparing to study in English-speaking countries, so motivating them won’t be hard. (“Fine, don’t do your homework. Good luck in Canada!”) I really hope they can offer my required salary, and not only Mr. Singapore‘s stream-of-consciousness comments will make fantastic blog fodder. Small classes of teenage students would be great!

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Wangfujing Snack Street

It’s time for another trip to Wangfujing to visit the foreign-language bookstores! I’ve read everything in the house at least twice (Except for Scarlett, because seriously, once was more than enough.) and needed to restock, and Stick was looking for a German-English dictionary because he’s decided to learn German instead of Chinese.

On our way to the bookstores, we wandered down the Wangfujing snack street, a food-only nightmarket mix of delicious and nausating food on skewers. Candied strawberries, squid bits, chicken kebabs (heads, feet and all), the smells of frying noodles and roasting meats and fermented tofu.

The row of stands is pretty busy, and vendors try to outshout each other. Some of them use English to get our attention. Hello, chicken, ok! Hello, baozi, ok! Hello, food, yes? Hello, ok, strawberry! Ok? Hello! You look! Ok? I’m starting to wonder if there’s anything that can’t be expressed with Hello and OK when one fellow calls out:

“Hello, I love you!”

Edit: It turns out that the Wangfujing Playboy said that same thing to Beijing blogger Penglisha the same weekend. So much for fidelity!

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Chinese Bargaining

The other day, I interviewed for a really lovely ESL program at X College. Everything was going well, and the interviewer told me that because of my experience and qualifications, they were prepared to offer me a higher-than-usual starting salary, then stated a number that’s slightly more than half of my salary at the primary school. Huh, I’ve never Chinese-bargained from the higher starting number. The program was lovely, but not worth a 50% paycut, so I asked if he could do better on the salary.

The interviewer suddenly underwent a massive personality shift, and told me I should be grateful for the chance to work for him because Fengtai is the worst place to live, no one wants to teach little children and our primary school in Yihai has a very bad reputation. X College, he added, is the best college in Beijing, so good that I’m lucky to even be meeting with him.

It was like going on a horrifically bad first date, and while part of you is wondering how a guy that seemed so sweet could be a terrifying freak when served lukewarm coffee, on another level, you’re happy that you found out he has issues BEFORE you kissed him. Or, um, how I imagine that would be. Because that’s never happened to me, of course.

But back to the present. Later that night, Stick and I were having dinner at Xuemei and Manfred’s house. Xuemei asked how my job search was going, and I told her I interviewed at Singapore Academy, a few training schools, and X College. Xuemei’s daughter gasped and said “X College? That’s the best college in Beijing! You’re so lucky to interview there!”

Which makes me wonder if everything else he said was also true.

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Welcome To Take Beijing Taxi

Stick, on the inflated currency in Back To The Future’s 2015: A hundred and fifty for a cab ride? They must have gone all the way across town!

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OK Computer

Chris Anderson , the editor of Wired, is interviewed on 123-reg blog about what Anderson calls the long tail effect, that is, our shift from a few major mainsteam products to a “long tail” of smaller niche products. The shift from bestsellers to blogs is interesting, and really encouraging for a small-time writer, but I think the most interesting part of the article is the financing behind this shift.

Chris Anderson talks about the “Radiohead model,” from the band Radiohead deciding to make their album available in MP3 form for a voluntary donation. Essentially, there’s no fixed price for a product, instead the person buying the product decides how much they’ll pay.
(By the way, I think Radiohead was brilliant here. Almost overnight they went from “those guys who did OK Computer a while back,” to a band everyone loves because their “Radiohead model” flies in the face of record labels’ download lawsuits)

This is something that I’ve seen a lot recently, a lot of sites have a variation on the “click here to buy me a coffee” PayPal donation button. Deb Ng’s blog for freelance writing leads asks that folks who’ve gotten good gigs there to donate back to the site (she also runs AdSense and other ads, so I don’t think it’s completely supported by donations). And I listen to an awesome meditation podcast that asks listeners to pay what they think it’s worth.

Podcasts, blogs, or those YouTube things with the cats doing tricks, have a one-time cost to produce, whether the product reaches six people or goes viral and reaches millions, so this economic model works amazingly well online. It would be awesome if Radiohead pricing caught on offline as well. I’d love to complain that this vacuum only cleaned $10 worth of dirt, or that this movie wasn’t really $8.50 of storyline. To be fair, though, I’d have to pay a couple of Maos for dinner at Muslim noodles.

Finally, if Wired‘s editor-in-chief believes that the path of entertainment is moving into voluntary-donation web-based content, does that mean the glossy pages and train-readability of Wired will soon be extinct?

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Character Studies

Yesterday afternoon, I had a job interview at a Singaporean-owned English academy, to do training and prep for Chinese students who’ll be studying overseas in English-speaking countries. My prospective boss asked me two or three basic questions, then told me I was too well-mannered to be pureblood American, and maybe one of my parents is — you guessed it — from England?

Mr. Singapore also told me he doesn’t hire men teachers because they make trouble with the girl students, he wants young women with good moral characters only. No men, no divorcees, no Australians. (I have no idea what Australia did to get on the naughty list, maybe it’s just hard to reclaim your reputation as an ex-penal colony.) It was everything that an American job interview can never be, with blatant stereotypes and personal questions, but his honest comments were somehow refreshing.

I met up with Stick at a nearby coffeeshop afterwards. “This is one of the first times I’ve been downtown without you.” he said. “I think I could get a new girlfriend in twenty-four hours.”

“What?!?!?”

“Yeah, I walked around a bit while I was waiting for you, and girls kept coming up to ask me where I’m from, and how long I’ve been in China, and if I wanted their phone numbers. You should be on your best behaviour!”

“My best behaviour? You mean like putting my dirty laundry in the laundry bag instead of on the floor?”

Hey, I didn’t say I had good character.

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Birthday Omelette

Today is Stick’s birthday! Manfred and Xuemei invited us to celebrate his birthday with them tonight, so I cooked Stick his special birthday dinner last night. “Special” in China, that is. I made him a big hash-and-cheese omelette!

You can’t just throw a China omelette together, this is serious gourmet work! I make perfect omelettes (I worked in a diner for about a year), but just getting the ingredients here is complicated.

I got the hash from Jenny Lou’s a while ago, and the cheddar from the FuXingMen Parkson’s. Eggs and milk are easy to get, and I’m adjusting to our stove’s special temperment. I folded it up perfectly, and added birthday candles, which are really the best part.

I haven’t seen any for sale here, but by amazing luck, my Christmas box from my parents also contained a package of VAT 19 samples, which happened to have a box of lovely colored-flame birthday candles! (the other zany samples are magically expanding snow, pop up photo albums and an orange-scented pencil, but none of those really work with an omelette). Hurray! Crisis averted!

Stick only got 2 candles, so I shorted him 33, but honestly the birthday omelette just wasn’t big enough for all of them.

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As If By An Occult Hand

We got our Christmas box from my parents today! They sent lovely things like jeans for me and a sweatshirt for Stick, cookies, mac&cheese and matzo ball mix. Delicious Western yumminess, and wonderful clothes that fit me! Also my parents packed things in layers, so we just kept finding more and more presents, like Christmas morning when I was a kid. And at the bottom we found, um, a magic kit. I don’t remember asking for magic tricks, but my parents must have had a reason.

Or MAYBE they are continuing one of the great Stivison Christmas traditions. Every year, my sister and I open at least one present that’s actually meant for the other person.

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Decisions, Decisions

Stick: Do you think I should hang the laundry in the bathroom where it’ll smell like turtle tank or on the balcony where it’ll smell like Beijing?

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And In Conclusion, I Miss Coffee Coolattas

The problems we’ve been having with management at our school have gotten me thinking about past jobs and other bosses. I know people don’t usually talk about how awesome their bosses are, but I’ve been lucky enough to have some really good ones.

My most recent boss, at LCC, managed by inspiring me to be a better teacher. I wanted to follow the great example she set, she’s dedicated and hardworking. I can’t say that I liked every single person I worked with at LCC (do we ever?) but I really liked the feeling of working with smart people who care about education.

I’ve already said how much I liked working for my manager in Yantai, I wanted to do a good job to make his life easier and make him happy. Also, he was upfront and great about keeping me in the loop. Our head teacher (who’s since left the school and gone to India!) is a gifted teacher, who mentored and encouraged me quite a bit.

My other great “bosses” are my editors, and the editors I’m working with now are also amazing bosses. I have an editor who gives me lots of free reign on my projects, and I recently finished a project for an editor who gave me great structural advice. I guess it’s not surprising that I have good editors, freelancing means I don’t have to take work again from someone who made me crazy the last time!

Yes, I’ve had some zany bosses (the baby giraffe comes to mind) and a lot of managers that weren’t anything special, but I’ve also been spoiled by working for people I can like and respect.

My current job isn’t terrible, but I guess I have different standards for a job in China… if I’m going to do a job that’s essentially same sh!t, different day, I’d like to get an American salary for it. And I’d like to do in a place with Dunkin’ Donuts and Jane magazine.

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