Auchan Shopping Adventures

If you liked the Great Wall Of Cereal, you should see the security-tagged booze selection at the Auchan.

Auchan is a French-owned grocery, which means they have bread that tastes like bread. Stick and I were buying a loaf when the baker shouted at us to wait. I wondered if bread was yet another item that can’t be purchased at the register, but he came back with a fresh baguette for us. Amazing!

There’s also a section of imported food. It’s an eclectic assortment of kimchi jars, Dijon mustard, ketchup, Earl Grey tea bags, pasta, cans of preserved olives and sardines. Anything foreign that doesn’t need refrigeration. No American desserts, but we were thrilled by the European cakes and cookies. (I studied in England and Stick was in the military in Germany, so some of these are home foods to us)

Unfortunately I was fooled by donuts that looked exactly like Dunkin’ Donuts deliciousness, down to the last rainbow sprinkle, but tasted like steamed bread fried in lard. Can’t win them all.

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The Four Humors

“You should teach them to put their finger under each word when they chant, so the parents will know their children know English,” one of the TAs suggested yesterday. She went on to explain that this is not reading, and any further attempts by me to teach the children to read will not be appreciated.

She needed to add that, because I have already been reprimanded for starting to teach my kids to read, which is forbidden for year one. Obviously. And the whole phonics thing? Why I am making noises with my mouth when I should be having my 6-year-olds memorize for their exams? Seriously, I claim to have teaching experience and this is what I come up with?

Sometimes I feel like a modern-day doctor visiting the middle ages. When I try to suggest the occasional hand-washing, they’re all “What are you talking about, crazy woman? Bleed the patient! Haven’t you ever heard of the four humors? What do they teach you those so-called medical schools? Thank goodness you have us to keep you from doing any real damage!”

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Symbolism

This is a flashcard from the English book my students do with their Chinese English teachers. I don’t know which is more telling, that someone chose Mickey Mouse as the emblem of America (instead of, say, a map) or that, on closer inspection, that’s not really Mickey.

So the symbol my students are keying to my home is a Chinese knockoff of a Disney product.

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Wangfujing Dairy Queen

This is a not-so-typical dinner for us. We actually didn’t get ice cream here… we were still too full from Sizzler. Oh yeah!
(This is downstairs in the Xin Dong An mall next to the Wangfujing Bookstore, follow the signs for Food Forum, or look for the happy people eating delicious ice cream.)
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Mastering The Beijing Subway

“I think we take this one three stops to Line Squiggle Squiggle Curve Dot.”
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Typical Dinner


This is a typical dinner for Stick and me… vinegar peanuts, cold garlic cucumbers, spicy peanut chicken (gung pao ji dian — all foreigners very like), and fried egg and scallion rice. No dinner is complete without a couple bottles of Yanjing beer!

It’s not quite Andiamo’s, but it’s pretty tasty.

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That Was Easy

I ran into our school’s headmaster last night while I was putting up my Halloween bulletin board. He was on Sunday-night duty, which means waiting for the kids to come back to school after their weekend at home, so he had some time on his hands. We were chatting and I mentioned how difficult it was to get the colored paper and staples for my board.

I didn’t tell him this, but there’s some kind of ban on English teachers and school supplies. For the last month, when I’ve asked my TAs for something like blank paper, they’ve looked at me like I wanted a virgin sacrifice. If I harass them long enough, they’ll come up with the back of a Xerox for the kids to write on.

But the headmaster led me down to the Logistics Room, It’s an Aladdin’s cave of school supplies, a Prismacolor rainbow of printer paper, giant sheets of colored paper, origami paper, markers, rolls of tape, glue, scissors, all the things that a primary school teacher could want. And he told me to feel free to take whatever I wanted, and come back whenever I felt like it to take more. It was like one of those old Nickelodeon shows where the kid wins all the toys he can grab.

If I had a CD player to play the CD that came with our textbook, then I could — but I don’t really expect that.

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English Room Art

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Jiao?

I got a Chinese baby book a few days ago, a glossy board book with simple characters and pin yin and English. (We’ll ignore the premise that the intended readership is someone who can read all three, but is still liable to chew on the book)

It’s been pretty helpful with my character recognition, until I got to this:


Do we really need 7 strokes to say “triangle”? Can’t we do it in three?

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My That Person

The worst thing about living with Stick… well, actually it’s the second worst thing. The very worst is all that compromising garbage that I’m meant to be doing. But the second worst thing is what to call him.

I feel very high-school talking about my boyfriend.

I tried the Amherst lingo “partner”, which does sound a little more mature than boyfriend. But there was a problem with that, too. Using a non-gender-specific term in the happy valley seems to mean something else.

People here just assume we are married, what with the moving to China together and all, which is fine except then someone will ask where my husband is and I’m all “Husband? Husband who?”

Yesterday we were at a business lunch when Stick refered to me as his “lady friend,” to the amusement of everyone around us.

But then my dilemma was solved by a native Chinese speaker at the table. Chinese, for all it’s inability to express “2” consistantly, has a perfect way to describe a significant other. My that person.

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