Wal-Mart luxuries

Yantai has a new attraction — a Wal-Mart! It opened on June 15th. Normally I wouldn’t shop at a Wal-Mart (and by “normally” I mean back in my old life when I was too good for KFC too), but the possibility of American products and my curiousity about Chinese Wal-Mart employees was too much for me, so I went with Will on Friday.

There’s usually a strange employees-to-work ratio in Chinese stores. Most shops have a few greeters to stand at the door saying “Welcome!” loudly and “That foreigner is very fat,” quietly. They also have people standing in each aisle to… well, I’m not really sure what they’re doing. Maybe they’re watching to make sure I don’t shoplift. Maybe they’re there to help me find things. Maybe there’s a union regulation that requires a certain number of employees per square foot.

At any rate, there are always a lot of people standing around in a shop or restaurant, in uniforms but not actually working. (It’s a little like working in the UStore again!) I was in the Jiajiayue few weeks ago when a kid knocked some boxes over. A few stockboys and some sales girls stoond and looked at the mess until a janitor arrived to pick up the boxes.

Yantai’s Wal-Mart was surreal. First of all, Wal-Mart is the classy place to shop, full of rare imported goods. It’s like the Greek grocer in Key To Rebecca, only with smiley icons all over and crowds of uniformed employees.

We ran around Wal-Mart like crazed hunter-gatherers, exclaiming over things like olives and Snickers bars and throwing them into our cart.

“I don’t like potato chips, or any chips for that matter.” I told Will. “Raised by hippies, remember?”

“Do you want soda?” He asked, pointing down an aisle.

“No, I don’t like that garbage either, it’s so unhealthy — OOH! Look! M&Ms! Coffee!”

I noticed that the locals, who presumably aren’t brought into a frenzy by seeing Western brandnames, were elbowing each other out of the way to fill their carts. I was going to make a snarky comment (or ten) when Will pointed out that the consumerism, exactly what we don’t like about Wal-Mart, is like a dream in China. The array of food, clothes and other products in the supermarkets simply didn’t exist a generation ago. In my parents’ lifetime, the average Chinese person wore the same gray uniforms and ate rationed food.

When we got in line to pay, there was more staring. I knew there were places on Earth where the locals had never seen a white person, but I expected them to be beating their tribal drums or something, not buying Coke and Crest in a Wal-Mart.

Of course, this was no ordinary Wal-Mart. The cashier gave me the correct change on the first try.

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GTA: Yantai

Driving in China is like playing Grand Theft Auto, only with more bicycles, pedicabs and carts full of watermelon. Now, I’m not exactly a great driver myself, but because privately owned cars are so new in China, most drivers have had their license for much less time than I have. Here, traffic lights are more of a suggestion than a rule. You can make a right on red, as well as a left on red, and even go striaght through on red if you want. If you miss your turn, you can just back up down the street. There isn’t really any right of way, and horns can be used to signal anything from “Look out for the cart full of watermelon!” to “Hey, there’s my second cousin!”

If driving in China is like GTA: Yantai, then crossing the street in China is like playing Frogger, if all the cars in Frogger slowed down to shout “Hello! Look, it’s a real frog! Hello!”

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Eight Immortals and Three Americans

Yesterday I went to Penglai with David and his friend Yoshy. We took a bus from Yantai to Penglai in the morning, and I bought the tickets because my Chinese rocks! (and by “rocks,” I mean “is barely functional”) We ended up with three seats together, but they were NOT sized for foreigners!!!

When we arrived in Penglai, we went first to a construction site. I don’t know if I’m mentioned the naptime phenomenon. Around noon, all of Shandong takes a nap. Workmen take off their shoes, put their shirts over their heads, and lie down whever they happen to be. Cab drivers pull over and lean back in their seats. It reminds me a little of Miranda in Serendity.

Anyway, it was naptime on the construction site, so Yoshy and Dave contemplated a little petty theft…

Unfortunately, it wouldn’t fit in any of our backpacks.

Then we walked along an incredibly dirty beach looking for the famous Penglai mirage. There was some kind of haze, either mist or pollution, on the water, which was really pretty but I didn’t see a phantom city.

We got to the pavilion and for some reason there are seals in a tank here. I took a picture but it’s depressing to see the seals in a little bitty pool so I’m not going to post it. The pavilion itself is a little touristy, but beautiful anyway.

Dave and Yoshy started to call me “Iceman” for reasons that have NOTHING to do with my love of iced coffee! I don’t really get it, but they think they’re Goose and Maverick and if everyone’s going to stare at you anyway, why not have fun with it? So we walked around the pavilion making up put our story to go with the artwork, but our story is not fit to be repeated. We got our picture taken at every turn, which isn’t really anything unusual now.

As we walked back to the downtown area, this guy stopped to give us a lift. We didn’t quite fit in the back, but at least this time I wasn’t half on Yoshy’s lap. While we were in the cart, and getting passed by old women on motorscooters, Dave kept shaking his head and saying “The things I have to do to keep your blog interesting, Meg!”

One of the cool things about new-to-China folks is that all the gross and creepy things are suddenly funny when you show somone else. These fish, for example, which are drying in the street prior to being eaten. “Hey Yoshy!” I said a while later, as we passed a man selling barbeque on the street, “You know what this is?”

“No…”

“They’re cocoons. Barbequed semi-butterflies.”

“Why are they moving?”

“Because they’re so fresh!”

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Cool Noodles

Last night, Zorro, Dave and I went out to celebrate David’s 8 month anniversary with China. I took them to “my” noodle place, and I think Zorro was a little upset by our adventures last night because he made me order for us all while he pretended he couldn’t speak Chinese. He did tell me that the staff said how good my Chinese is, but either they are lying or he is.


This is Dave drinking a toast to his relationship with China.

I got us my beloved “cool noodles”, red plums and, of course, beer. We sat outside the noodle shop to eat, which always invites stares. It was even worse since Zorro was pretending not to speak Chinese. One foreigner attracts enoug hattention, but two foreigners with a Chinese person who can’t speak Chinese? We should have sold tickets!

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The other side of lao wai

Last night, Zorro, David and I went to dinner at the Korean pizza place, and we saw other foreigners! It’s always really exciting to meet foreigners in Yantai, especially outside of Jackie’s or Cape Of Storms. I can go days or weeks without seeing a foreigner who doesn’t work with me. David (who’s now blogging at Dave Vs. China) greeted them with “HELLO, LAO WAI!”. They nodded and smiled at this, while I laughed hysterically, like the socially warped nerd that I am.

We sat at our table, ordered, and we were going to draw lots for who had to approach the other foreigners, but since they were two fairly handsome guys around my age, it wasn’t hard to convince me to go talk to them. They’ve here for work, at a large German-owned Yantai company. They’ve been here for a week, and I really love when people tell me they’ve been in China for a shorter time that I have — it makes me feel like Marco Polo or Columbus or at the very least, one of the TalkTalkChina guys. I started to introduce myself, and I pointed over to David and Zorro.

“Yeah, we have a little Chinaman who goes around with us too, but he’s home right now.” one of them said.

“Um, that’s not out translator, that’s our friend Zorro.” I said, “He’s American. He works with us. I have to go now.”

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One Month Until Stick Visits!

To be totally honest, I’m a lot more worried about Stick’s arrival than I am about his absence. I haven’t seen the boy in 5 months — it’ll be 6 by the time he arrives — and a lot can happen in 6 months. I mean, I can get through entire relationships in that time!

I’m so excited about Stick coming to see me! I really want him to like China in general and Yantai in particular. I want him to like the Hemingway-as-a-foreign-correspondant part of expat life, and not get too caught up in the Margaret-Mead-in-Samoa part of Chinese life. I hope he’ll like what the guys here call the Wild West aspect, but I’m afraid that he’ll get distracted by the public spitting and urination, by the sweaty bodies crammed into a bus, by the filth, the noise and the constant touching of the foreigners.

Also, a lot of my adjustment to China has involved me becoming less squeamish about things like personal space, pollution, bodily functions and exactly what constitutes food. I think all of these adjustments are making my life easier, but what if it turns out that Stick is partial to girls with table manners?

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Bing Kafei

When I was younger, I could tell when my mom had a deadline because she’d turn on the Greatful Dead and drink a latte. (Wow, did that just sum up my mom, or what?) My mom loves lattes but my hippie parents couldn’t quite accept Starbucks, so we ended up with a cappiccino machine worthy of an Italian bakery.

And that became the beginning of my love affair with coffee. I don’t like black coffee, and my ex-boyfriend liked to remind me that good coffee is wasted on me. I really like 7-11 coffee, Cumbie’s coffee and Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I especially like gas station coffee when you can add vanilla or hazelnut or chocolate cream or tiny hard marshmallows. Usually Stick’s in line to pay for his black coffee while I do my best to create a caffienated sundae.

I went into the KFC about 2 weeks ago because I thought a “Western” place might have iced coffee, and I asked, in my horrible Chinese, for iced coffee. What I got what a delicious glass of iced coffee with vanilla ice cream on top. It was SO good I figured it had to be a mistake. When you want to order a cold beer in China, you ask for “ice beer” so what I actually said is “you have ice coffee yes?” (Yes, I can ask for cold beer in Chinese. I TOLD you I only know essentials.)

I figured I was finally benefitting from a Chinese error, but it turns out that this ice cream coffee is not given to weird foreigners but actually on the menu! Amazing! I could go on about the joys of this KFC coffee but I’ll sum it up:

Times I visited KFC in my entire life before coming to China: 4 or 5
Times I visited KFC in China: 5 or 6
Times I visited KFC solely to drink the amazing ice cream coffee: 7

Zorro recently pointed out that my addiction to iced coffee leaves me without grounds to mock his Sprite addiction (Thanks to Zorro, I can also ask for a cold Sprite in Chinese.) or David’s Coke addiction.

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The Anti-China

My new boss, “Will,” is the anti-China. I don’t mean his dislikes our host country, but he takes responsibility in a land where no one knows anything about that and no one knows when someone who does know will be in the office, which puts him at odds with the rest of the PRC. It’s always rare and always good to have an effective boss, but even more so when you live in Dante’s DMV, full of employees who have simoultaneously never heard of a license and just sold the last license.

Will’s also extremely well-informed about the school, which is probably because he has this uncanny ability to ask about how classes are going in a chatty way that’s totally-not-checking-up way. Plus we all plan lessons in a small office so we ALL know exactly what’s going on in each other’s lives. And Will

— I have to interrupt my discussions about how freakishly-well informed Will is because he just came in (I’m at the KFC drinking the ambrosial ice cream coffee to which I am addicted), said hi, and asked if I were writing another movie review.

“Huh? Writing a what?” was my chracteristically witty response. Will showed up before I could tell you he’s also pretty good-looking, but you already know my inability to form sentences when handsome guys are around. I fully expect to greet Stick at the airport with a string of vowel sounds and some pointing.

“What was it, Amityville Horror?” he asked.

I accused him of google-stalking, but I was secretly glad that he’s bothered to check up on me. That puts this school lightyears ahead of the usual system that requires English teachers to be both white and breathing.

Like I said, he’s the anti-China.

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L’chaim

After listening to Jason Zorro make Mandarin tones properly and effortlessly, David decided to take him down a peg and teach him to say “L’chaim”. After a few tries, it was still almost as bad as my Chinese.

Ok, nothing’s really that bad.

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My Parents

I’ve already talked my sister into visting me in China in August. (This is a picture of her with her Chinese music ensemble at Wesleyan… guess which one is my sister!) Now I’m trying to convince my mom and my dad to come to China, too. I really hope they can come — it’s going to be awesome to see them and I can’t wait to show them around.

This morning, my mom said that they could use my dad’s Marriott points to stay in Beijing.

“Normally I wouldn’t want to stay in a Marriott in a foreign country,” my mom said. My mom backpacked in Europe when she was about my age and she doesn’t want to miss local color by staying in an American chain hotel when she goes abroad. But when she said it, I started to giggle. Actually, I started to laugh hysterically.

“No, Mom, you really do want to stay in the Marriott. Trust me, you will be experiencing authentic China on the packed buses and trains. You’ll see that all the time you spend teaching me manners was a complete waste of time when I shout at taxi drivers not to rip us off. You will have the real Chinese experience when we go to restaurants and find that half the menu is mei you, or when you forget to pack something and find that it’s just not available in Yantai. You’ll see real China when people spit on the street or when you actually push vendors away from you.” I stopped again for giggling.

Don’t you remember our Weifeng hotel saga? Believe me, you will want a nice Western-style hotel when no one is shouting lao wei! or the thirty-second delayed “Hullor”, and no one is crazily trying to anticipate what you want. I think it’s safe to assume that you’ll want a bathroom is attached to the bedroom, and it has a bathtub, and the tub’s been cleaned in the last ten years.

So yes, Mom and Dad, I think you should stay at the Marriott. I think it’ll make the difference between enjoying the Wild West of developing China or counting the hours until you get home. Besides, it’s very Chinese to use your connections to get something for free!

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