Talent Search and Replace

Have you heard of American Idol? It’s a talent search TV show. Basically, there are a bunch of musical contestants who perform a song and then are critiqued by the judges. The judging board consists of a Mean Guy and a Sweet Washed-Up Pop Star, but I’m not sure what the judges actually judge, since each week the audience calls in and votes for their favorite. While we’re on the subject, what exactly are Simon’s credentials? Because I can be just that snarky and I’m looking for a job.

Anyway, before each song the contestant says, “Hi, I’m Name$, and I’m singing Title$ tonight. I picked it because I can have fun with it! I’m just going to get up there and have fun with my song!”

Then they sing. Most of them are quite good, you’d have to be really drunk to sing after them in a kareoke bar. They’d get the solo in church choir, too; and in chorus, you could stand next to them to get back on pitch. After each song, the Mean Guy says some witty variation on “Did you know that you suck? Because you suck,” and the camera cuts to the kid’s mom looked pissed and then Sweet Washed-Up Pop Star says something along the lines of “You really gave it your all!” And then the next person sings.

Anyway, people from the audience call in and vote for which contestant they like best, and whoever has the fewest votes gets booted in next week’s show. Before they go home, they cry, because they didn’t come to the show to get up there and have fun, they came to win. Duh. The judges are either nasty (Simon) or sweet (Paula) about it, and then we cut over to the kid’s mom who’s also crying. Then the remaining contestants do it again, until there’s only one person left and they win. I think they win money.

However, there’s a play-at-home version of this show. At the beginning of the show, you have to guess who’s getting the boot each time. I picked Constantine to win because he has a nice classical name (I also bet on Villanova winning the basketball tournament so maybe that’s not the best means of choosing a winner).

You also critique the looks, personality and fashion sense of the contestants. My jeans, a sweater, a ponytail and 20 lbs of jewelry, entitled me to the role of fashion critic.

Then there’s a charades aspect. If at any point during the week, the play-at-home contestant cannot remember the name of the Idol contestant, the play-at-home contestant must impersonate that singer.

“You know who I mean, he’s got his hair all messy like this?”
“Does she stand like this?”

So that’s the short explanation for those of you who don’t know what it is. Actually, if you don’t know what it is, you probably have a life a lot like mine. I don’t recognize you, of course, it’s kind of dark under our rock.