Wolverine

Going into a superhero movie, we all know that we have to suspend our disbelief just a little bit more, but ill-defined powersets abound in the new X-Men Origins. Really, how many extra-strong, invulnerable guys with extendable knuckle claws can one movie hold?

Still, I like the X-Men premise, and I enjoyed going. There were good scenes with brooding, thoughtful Wolverine, some more about his past, and an interesting look at Stryker as well. Stryker’s evil plan is to round up all the mutants and create Sylar, I mean, Weapon Eleven, a superpowered mega-mutant combining all the other mutants’ powers into one.

Weapon Eleven is controlled by text commands. Do you see why this would be is a bad idea? I imagine it turning out like an old text game.

Stryker: Shoot

Weapon 11: I don’t have a target to shoot.

Stryker: Wolverine

Weapon 11: What do you want me to do to Wolverine?

Stryker: Shoot Wolverine

Weapon 11: With what?

Stryker: Shoot Wolverine with gun

Weapon 11:  This gun isn’t loaded.

Stryker: Load gun with ademantium bullets

Weapon 11:  I don’t have any ‘ademantium’.

Stryker:  Adamantium bullets

Weapon 11:  What should I do with the adamantium bullets?

At which point Stryker would say something foul, and Weapon Eleven would ask if he kisses his mother with that mouth, and then Stryker would have no choice but to go down and shoot Wolverine himself. That’s what he ends up doing, so the frustrating text-based game bit probably just got cut  out for time. Maybe it’ll be a bonus scene on the DVD.

These adamantium bullets are a special mind-erasing attack, since Wolverine can’t actually be killed. it’s a good thing that the bullets hit only Wolverine’s memories, and not, say, the part of the brain that controls his reflexes or bladder control. It seems kind of silly to wipe a guy’s memories and then turn all we-meet-again mysterious later, but it might be part of a sinister plot.

I think the greatest X-Men storyline would just be all the mutants hanging around at mutant school, using their powers to do everyday things. A high school drama with superpowers. So I was pretty disappointed that once the trapped mutants were rescued, we didn’t get a cool ensemble, they weren’t even all named. (Speaking of the rescue: Seriously? A room full of assorted mutant superpowers and they were all thwarted by chicken wire? Nobody had any laser powers or teleport or superstrength? Hmmm.)

There are small continuity errors in all prequels, and since I like the X-Men stories in general, I’ll try to get around them. Cyclops was rescued from evil Stryker’s secret lair by Wolverine, but later, in the first X-Men movie, he has no memory of Stryker or Wolverine? He must have gotten shot in the head with adamantium mind-erasers too.