From TechCrunch Disrupt

Spent today over at TechCrunch Disrupt, looking at new startup apps in Startup Alley, listening to the tech fireside chats, and, overall, just seeing trends in social media apps. After a couple pitches, I couldn’t help it.

Updatr Updatr uses your other social profiles to automate your Facebook updates. For example, Updatr pulls from your LinkedIn to automate updates about how no one in any other departments gets anything done, and how your coworkers are all morons. Updatr also finds your weather, localized by your recent checkins, before sharing a randomized comment on how depressing rain is, or how lame it is that you have to work when it’s so nice out.

Version 1.8 checks your marital status to create updates about awful in-laws, and checking the “City Resident” option will replace “Seriously, no one in *hometown* can drive!” with “Late again. Thanks, *local transit authority*!”

LoveMyLogo Every hot new startup already has a catchy name and logo. But, are hipsters really wearing your t-shirt? LoveMyLogo crowdsources actual t-shirt-wearing potential brand ambassadors, and enables real-time voting on your logo’s wearability and offline virality.  LoveMyLogo (beta) is available in Brooklyn, Austin, and Portland.

Footbllr After entering the football team followed by your significant other, Footbllr alerts you to during times of suboptimal contact, such as the last quarter of a close game, and also alerts you to major team negativity, such as a player injury or defeat to division rivals, that may affect a fan’s mood. Footbllr is free to download and use, but premium accounts offer the additional ability to set affectionate text messages of congratulation or sympathy, automated and sent based on the team’s success or failure.

Swagify Swagify’s new micro-location check-ins enable hardworking journalists to mark swag-positive locations on an interactive conference map, and enter a twenty-one-character micro-review to tag the swag in real time. Swagify also allows users to search swag-positive locations, read micro-reviews, and leave a seven-character micro-micro-review.

Ok… you probably caught on… these aren’t real apps. (Yet.)