Too Much Information

I’m teaching my kids the “This is the way I” song this week. I’m starting with the basic version, with simple actions like Brush My Teeth and Read My Book.

I haven’t taught them the Meg version yet… Once when I covered Ron’s class in Yantai, I taught his students “This is the way I fight the Gauls”. He came back from, uh, paternity leave and had a dozen Korean kindergarteners totally unimpressed with brushing their teeth or drinking thir milk, and insisting instead on waving their imaginary gladii around.

The value of a classical education.

Anyway, today I had ne of those lessons that goes off-topic in fantastic ways. I let one of the kids pick the next verse, and they were bouncing out of their seats to say “Wash my knees!” or “Wash my nose!”, which was adorable and pretty good practice for both last month’s body parts vocab and a new sentence pattern. After a rousing rendition of “This is the way I wash my eyebrows,” I called on another boy.

“Wash my….” then he stopped and pointed at his boy parts.

Well, kid, I sure hope you do, but let’s not talk about it in English class, ok?

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Have You Seen This Road Trip?

I was asked to write about the mystery of Grey in the hopes that one of you will be able to solve it. Ready?

Musician Sam Rader wrote a song called “Grey” on her album Goldstar Galaxy, and made a music video for the song, using footage found on YouTube (which strikes me as somewhat tacky internet manners but it’s neccessary for the plot). This video is about two friends driving cross-country with a camera mounted in the car, but here’s the mystery…. the two guys in the video don’t know they’re in the Grey video! The person who posted it on YouTube had found the video online somewhere else, but didn’t know where it came from originally. (Again with the bad ‘net manners! Kids today!)

Anyway, now they’re looking for the creators of the original video to solve the Grey mystery. Do you recognize these guys? The car? Anything? Feel free to repost this video and spread the story around to help solve the mystery!

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Chinese WarCraft Access

I still can’t get on Blizzard’s WarCraft page, so I don’t know the official story, but we can’t directly connect to WoW servers in the US. This probably isn’t the only workaround for foreign Warcraft servers, but here’s how we did it.

Go to your World Of WarCraft directory on your computer. In this directory, there’s a WTF file called Realmlist. [Not the WTF folder] Open this up using Notepad. Change the text to say:

set realmlist 12.129.232.112
set patchlist 66.45.252.236

Save the file, and don’t do anything zany like change the name, even if Windows prompts you to do it.

Start your launcher and laugh!

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Life In China

I’ve often wondered at the futility of making advance plans in China. Black And White Cat explains why.

The boss says to his secretary: I’m taking you to Beijing for a few days. Get ready to go.

The secretary phones her husband: I’ve got to go to a meeting in Beijing with the boss for a few days. You’ll have to look after yourself.

The husband rings his lover: My wife’s going to be on business in Beijing for a few days. Let’s get together.

The lover phones the young boy she tutors: There won’t be any lessons for a few days, I’m busy.

The boy rings his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher’s busy for a few days so I haven’t got any classes. Can we go out and play?

The grandfather rings his secretary: I’ve got to spend time with my grandson for a few days, so we can’t go to Beijing.

The secretary calls her husband: My boss has got some urgent business, so I won’t be going to Beijing.

The husband calls his lover: The date’s off. My wife’s not going to Beijing now.

The lover calls the young boy she tutors: The lessons aren’t cancelled. I’ll be teaching you as normal.

The boy calls his grandfather: Grandpa, I’ve got classes after all. I can’t spend the time with you.

The grandfather calls his secretary: The trip to Beijing’s on again. Get ready to go.

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Unskilled

The other day, Stick talked to his adult students about sports.

Student: Do you play sports?

Stick: Yes, I like to play sports.

Student: Do you play table tennis?

Stick: Not very much.

Student: Do you play badminton?

Stick: No, never.

Student: Then what sports do you play?

Stick: I played baseball every year I was growing up, then I ran track in high school, and was on the wrestling team. In the army I played volleyball. Now, I play golf with my friend Hugo and I also play paintball sometimes.

Student: Oh, you like Western sports. I like skilled sports.

Stick: Uh….

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WarCraft

Foreign World Of WarCraft servers are down/blocked in China. Stick and I might actually have to talk to each other.

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Leroy Merlin Circular

I know this isn’t the greatest picture, but the circular is pretty shiny and it’s hard to get a good shot. I hope you can at least see that the trendy alphabet window stickers spell out “go home”!!! Not-so-subliminal message, anyone?

Edit: You should all know that Stick calls this store Leeroy Jenkins.

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China Blog Mixtape

First, here’s a Danwei article about the way the F-bomb pops up in Chinglish translations, and why. Check it out, if only for the screenshot of the computer translations.

Lost Laowai talks about the Rape of Nanking. And not in the CCTV9 70th anniversary documentary way, either.

…it surprised me that I had gone a quarter of a century on this planet and never heard of Nanjing, never mind anyone raping it.

When I ended up moving to China not long after, I was a bit taken aback by the overt hate and racism towards Japan and Japanese. I mean, sure I had only relatively recently heard of the horrors that befell Chinese at the hands of Japanese soldiers – but that was nearly 70 years ago, how could they still be pissed about it?

But I think it’s my ignorance towards this part of history that is largely responsible. We shout the loudest when no one is listening, and for a long time no one was listening to China.

Tim Johnson on China Rises talks about Beijing air quality. It’s not alarmist predictions of environmental doom, just an expat and father wondering about the long-term effects of China air. Obviously we don’t have kids, but Stick and I often wonder if the price to pay for our Chinese adventure is a hacking cough.

Beijing is severely polluted. Call me ethnocentric but my experience is that most Chinese have no idea how severe the pollution is. They’ve rarely or never been outside of China, and they’ve grown accustomed to the haze and smog. We Westerners are not. Yet we choose to live here, often for very good job reasons, even enjoying ourselves greatly. And our kids’ health may suffer in the process. It’s not something most parents want to dwell on.

Optimists see the Forbidden City, the Temple Of Heaven and the Rainbow bridge, but blogger Imagetheif wants to know Beijing ugliest buildings. There are so many modern monsters that it’s hard to pick one, and a lot of buildings that look fine alone (the leaning tower of CCTV or the Olympic bird’s nest) don’t look so great when surrounded by Beijing’s grey Soviet blocks and competing neon.

Strolling down Chang’an Avenue recently I was struck by how much of central Beijing’s recent construction is, well, nasty. Seriously: Jianwai Soho, Twins Mall, Wanda, it’s all transforming the Boulevard into one long strip of gleaming, mixed-use wreckage pockmarked with Starbucks outlets.

And an older one, but worth repeating. Sinoplice‘s entry on Why Life In China Is Like An RPG

9. It takes place in a magical world where people believe in mystical concepts like qi and fengshui
10. The people take legends very seriously (even 5,000 year old ones)
11. The word “peasant” doesn’t seem out of place
12. There are plenty of barmaids in the taverns and women of ill repute on the streets
13. The background story: a legendary kingdom has fallen under the control of a powerful, malevolent force, and heroes are nowhere to be found…

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The Place By Night

The Place, Friday night, after the giant movie screen was turned off.

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Traffic Cops

Stick and I were in a taxi last night, when the taxi driver turned around and told us he knew we were British (This happens a LOT… we were actually on the way to a restaurant where the waitress through we were British. I’m going to hope it’s the good manners and not the bad teeth). When we told him, no, we’re Americans, he told us he knew about America.

“In America, if the policeman stops you, you have to — ” Here he put his hands on the back of his head, while driving, in a way that only Beijing cabbies can “– and if you move, they will — ” He made a gun with his non-horn hand. “Pow! Pow! And then game over! Dead!”

“That’s not American life. We’ve been stopped by police and we’ve never even seen the policeman’s gun,” Stick told him. “You have to pay a fine, and listen to a lecture, but no one shoots at you!”

“No, it’s true.” our driver said. “I heard it on the radio AND it was in the newspaper.”

I thought maybe he was referring to a specific case of a trigger-happy cop, but he insisted it was all American police, and if you move your hands when you’re pulled over? Then POW! Game over! This lasted until we got to the restaurant.

“I think America is too dangerous — Watch out!” he shouted, as Stick tried to open the sidewalk-side door, into an oncoming bicycle.

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