Best Rejection Ever

Today I received the funniest rejection letter in the history of people telling me to take a long walk off a short pier. I pitched an article for a magazine in October, and I heard back from them today saying that the idea was fine, but unfortunately, WomenGamers had published something too similar. It’s way too similar, actually. I wrote it.

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Belated China Story

This story came up last night, when Stick and I went out with Jay and his family, and I realized I’d never posted it here.

One day when Stick was visiting me in China, I was in class, so he went by himself to the little shop next to my apartment to get some soap. His Chinese is completely non-existent, so he ended up playing a long, complicated game of charades with the shopkeeper. An hour or so later, he did get a package of soap, though, and he did do an amazing job cleaning my apartment. Actually, that’s the main reason I wanted to move in with him — He’s very good at cleaning up after me.

A few weeks after Stick had gone home, I went into the shop and that shopkeeper said something about “your husband*”. I couldn’t pick up any other words, so wasn’t sure what he was saying, until he started to do an impression of Stick doing charades.

* A little exaggeration because Juice Auntie saw us leaving my house together in the morning, and she was scandalized.

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Repatriation Blues

When I was in Yantai, pining for the smell of my beloved Herbal Essences shampoo, they stopped making it. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that this happened while their best customer (me) wasn’t able to buy any.

Yesterday I went to the supermarket to find some…. other shampoo…. in my heart and in my shower. No luck. Herbal Essences may be the only product to which I was completely brand-loyal, and I had no idea there were so many other shampoos and conditioners out there. There was nothing for for a jilted Herbal Essences lover to but smell each one. Stick tried to help me, but after accidentally shooting white conditioner all over his sweatshirt, he decided that finding a new shampoo and conditioner set was my problem. Perhaps I was laughing too hard at his conditioner-splattered outfit, but he wasn’t very sympathetic to my plight.

But today he got a lesson in emapthy. Today we found out that Fatso’s, a local burger joint Stick adores, went out of business while he was in Rome.

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Academic Triage

Some of my students will learn English whether I’m a good teacher or not. They are the most fun to teach, and they ask the most interesting questions, but I spend most of our class time on the middle of the bell curve, the ones who are progressing and struggling and need a second explanation. I can’t take credit for my dream students’ progress, but I love hearing my middle students ask and answer “Where is your verb?” or “Who’s doing this action?” or any of the other things I repeat in class. That’s when I feel like I’m doing a good job.

There’s a third section of my academic triage. These are the ones who come in late, who forget their books, who don’t have a pencil, who aren’t sure which page we’re on, who whisper through the explanation, who didn’t know there was homework, who didn’t have time to read and so forth. Fortunately I have only a couple like this, but they are repeat offenders.

I don’t know what to do about the ones who lack basic study skills. I don’t want to just ignore them and but I don’t want to waste our class time and my energy on students who are actively fighting against learning English.

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No Dentist Left Behind

From the brilliant education blog Are We Doing Anything Today? comes No Dentist Left Behind.

My dentist is great! He sends me reminders so I don’t forget checkups. He uses the latest techniques based on research. He never hurts me, and I’ve got all my teeth. When I ran into him the other day, I was eager to see if he’d heard about the new state program. I knew he’d think it was great.

“Did you hear about the new state program to measure effectiveness of dentists with their young patients?” I said.

“No,” he said. He didn’t seem too thrilled. “How will they do that?”

“It’s quite simple,” I said. “They will just count the number of cavities each patient has at age 10, 14, and 18 and average that to determine a dentist’s rating. Dentists will be rated as excellent, good, average, below average, and unsatisfactory. That way parents will know which are the best dentists. The plan will also encourage the less effective dentists to get better,” I said. “Poor dentists who don’t improve could lose their licenses to practice.”

“That’s terrible,” he said.

“What? That’s not a good attitude,” I said. “Don’t you think we should try to improve children’s dental health in this state?”

“Sure I do,” he said, “but that’s not a fair way to determine who is practicing good dentistry.”

“Why not?” I said. “It makes perfect sense to me.”

“Well, it’s so obvious,” he said. “Don’t you see that dentists don’t all work with the same clientele, and that much depends on things we can’t control? For example, I work in a rural area with a high percentage of patients from deprived homes, while some of my colleagues work in upper middle-class neighborhoods. Many of the parents I work with don’t bring their children to see me until there is some kind of problem, and I don’t get to do much preventive work. Also, many of the parents I serve let their kids eat way too much candy from an early age, unlike more educated parents who understand the relationship between sugar and decay. To top it all off, so many of my clients have well waterwhich is untreated and has no fluoride in it. Do you have any idea how much difference early use of fluoride can make?”

“It sounds like you’re making excuses,” I said. “I can’t believe that you, my dentist, would be so defensive. After all, you do a great job, and you needn’t fear a little accountability.”

“I am not being defensive!” he said. “My best patients are as good as anyone’s, my work is as good as anyone’s, but my average cavity count is going to be higher than a lot of other dentists because I chose to work where I am needed most.”

“Don’t get touchy,” I said.

“Touchy?” he said. His face had turned red, and from the way he was clenching and unclenching his jaws, I was afraid he was going to damage his teeth. “Try furious! In a system like this, I will end up being rated average, below average, or worse. The few educated patients I have who see these ratings may believe this so-called rating is an actual measure of my ability and proficiency as a dentist. They may leave me, and I’ll be left with only the most needy patients. And my cavity average score will get even worse. On top of that, how will I attract good dental hygienists and other excellent dentists to my practice if it is labeled below average?”

“I think you are overreacting,” I said. “‘Complaining, excuse-making and stonewalling won’t improve dental health’… I am quoting from a leading member of the DOC,” I noted.

“What’s the DOC?” he asked. “It’s the Dental Oversight Committee,” I said, “a group made up of mostly lay persons to make sure dentistry in this state gets improved”

“Spare me,” he said, “I can’t believe this. Reasonable people won’t buy it,” he said hopefully.

The program sounded reasonable to me, so I asked, “How else would you measure good dentistry?”

“Come watch me work,” he said. “Observe my processes.”

“That’s too complicated, expensive and time-consuming,” I said. “Cavities are the bottom line, and you can’t argue with the bottom line. It’s an absolute measure.”

“That’s what I’m afraid my parents and prospective patients will think This can’t be happening,” he said despairingly.

“Now, now,” I said, “don’t despair. The state will help you some.”

“How?” he asked.

“If you receive a poor rating, they’ll send a dentist who is rated excellent to help straighten you out,” I said brightly.

“You mean,” he said, “they’ll send a dentist with a wealthy clientele to show me how to work on severe juvenile dental problems with which I have probably had much more experience? BIG HELP!”

“There you go again,” I said. “You aren’t acting professionally at all.”

“You don’t get it,” he said. “Doing this would be like grading schools and teachers on an average score made on a test of children’s progress with no regard to influences outside the school, the home, the community served and stuff like that. Why would they do something so unfair to dentists? No one would ever think of doing that to schools.”

I just shook my head sadly, but he had brightened. I’m going to write my representatives and senators,” he said. “I’ll use the school analogy. Surely they will see the point.”

He walked off with that look of hope mixed with fear and suppressed anger that I, a teacher, see in the mirror so often lately.

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I Love Aardvarks?

Saw this at Rao’s and thought it would be a great chance to try out my phoneblogging.

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Jeb on Playboy, Bully and more

Sometimes I have girl-gamer blinders on, and I forget that there are other subcultures in video gaming. This interview with Jeb Havens (formerly of Cyberlore) on gay content in games talks about the testosterone zone of game design and game culture from a slightly different perspective.

It’s worth reading, and I’m not just saying that because he used to watch porn with my boyfriend.

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But Don’t Blog About It, Ok?

Sorry I’ve been updating kind of sporadically recently. My free time has been sort of feast or famine these last few weeks. I had quite a bit of free time today, but it was while I was at the auto place waiting for them to really REALLY fix the car this time, which wasn’t really conductive to blogging. It doesn’t make for good blog material, although maybe I kind of called it a “jump rope” instead of “jumper cables”.

And these days, when someone tells me a story, they usually end with “…but don’t blog about it, ok? My mom reads that.”

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From Tom Friedman’s column The Silence That Kills:

On Feb. 20, The A.P. reported from Afghanistan that a suicide attacker disguised as a health worker blew himself up near “a crowd of about 150 people who had gathered for a ribbon-cutting ceremony to open an emergency ward at the main government hospital in the city of Khost.” A few days later, at a Baghdad college, a female Sunni suicide bomber blew herself up amid students who were ready to sit for exams, killing 40 people.

Stop and think for a moment how sick this is. Then stop for another moment and listen to the silence. The Bush team is mute. It says nothing, because it has no moral authority. No one would listen. Mr. Bush is losing a P.R. war to people who blow up emergency wards.

From The New York Times, March 2. The full text of the article can be found here.

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Fatal Attraction

Cory just sent me this story about a Chinese man who spent all of Lunar New Year holiday playing online… and died from it.

An obese 26-year-old man in northeastern China died after a “marathon” online gaming session over the Lunar New Year holiday, state media said on Wednesday.

The 150-kilogram (330-pound) man from Jinzhou, in Liaoning province, collapsed on Saturday, the last day of the holiday, after spending “almost all” of the seven-day break playing online games, the China Daily said, citing his parents.

China has 137 million internet users, and 20.8 million bloggers. (These seem like respectable sources, but I also saw 5 million and 60 million bloggers… as with most Chinese statistics, the margin of error is +/- 50%)

No word on what game he was playing, but I’m going to have to guess CounterStrike.

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