The other day I was crossing the street and I said “You people invented gunpowder and silk! Surely mastering a turn signal is nothing to that!”
Usually shouting witticisms at my non-English speaking surroundings makes me feel better, but today I was sad because I’m trying not have the “you people” attitude. It’s really hard to avoid, though. I feel like my students are complex individuals but as for the rest of China, sometimes I feel like I’m in some dystopian sci-fi novel where everyone wears the same clothes, does the same things, says the same things and even thinks the same thoughts. There’s a level of predictability and sameness in Chinese behavior that I simply cannot describe properly for Americans.
China is like a pre-teen nightmare, full of giggling packs of girls who mimic everything I do, giggle, and then say “ting bu dong” (hears but can’t understand) and giggle some more. Then I say this:
Actually, I DO understand you. Hello.
No, I’m not German. I’m American.
No, I’m not a student, I’m an English teacher.
Yes, I do look quite young, but honestly, I’m 26 by your calendar.
Yes, really.
Why, thank you for saying my Chinese is very good, but honestly I’m only good at this one conversation because ONE-POINT-FOUR BILLION people ask me the SAME THINGS!
But as I’m writing this, my boss, Will, is singing “one little, two little, three little Meggies, four little, five little, six little Meggies…”. I mean, it’s not exactly Stick and “Fat Bottomed Megs” but it’s still making China feel more like home.
Last night, Zorro, Dave and I went out to celebrate David’s 8 month anniversary with China. I took them to “my” noodle place, and I think Zorro was a little upset by our adventures last night because he made me order for us all while he pretended he couldn’t speak Chinese. He did tell me that the staff said how good my Chinese is, but either they are lying or he is. 
I got us my beloved “cool noodles”, red plums and, of course, beer. We sat outside the noodle shop to eat, which always invites stares. It was even worse since Zorro was pretending not to speak Chinese. One foreigner attracts enoug hattention, but two foreigners with a Chinese person who can’t speak Chinese? We should have sold tickets!
