The Question Mark (and Martian Ballerinas)

This Ask Polly about writing a book is pretty much how I feel about releasing Takeout. Ok, yes, that day when a new coworker had already played my game, without me telling him about it, is still possibly the best day in my entire life.

But mostly, after really, really believing that finishing my game was a real massive milestone, the question mark is still there.

…Once you’re published, you think the question mark will be removed. But, SURPRISE! It’s still there. It’s there when you compare yourself to other writers or count the number of people at your reading or grind your teeth over a bad review….

When people say, “Oh my god, a book, you must feel great!” most writers get a little half-smile that tells you books are hard to hug close. …  With a first book, you also tend to care too much about reviews (if you get reviewed at all) or about how many people show up for events. You might think having a book in the world will finally make you feel LIKE AN AUTHOR, but eventually you discover that feeling like an author amounts to making bad small talk at cramped bookstores filled with indifferent strangers, all the while wishing you were drunk and stoned and young and gorgeous and a ballerina who lives on Mars instead.

Source: Ask Polly: ‘Should I Quit My Day Job to Write a Book?’

 

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2 Responses to The Question Mark (and Martian Ballerinas)

  1. Paul Owen says:

    Sometimes I think creative media are like fires. Sometimes they catch briefly, give off a little light and heat, and then go out – like the game I had published eight years ago. It was nice, and now it’s over.

    My wife, on the other hand, has found that her books have life – they feed each other, she stokes them a little, they grow, she worries about reviews, she keeps writing – and before she knows it, her little fire has spread to readers in places she wouldn’t have imagined and has taken on a life of its own.

    But as you say, when it comes to the creative process, you may finish a book, you may complete a game, but you aren’t done.

    • Meg says:

      You’re so right. I guess I thought there would be a huge life shift once I’d finally finished the game. We do get the odd social media post from players we don’t already know, which is really exciting! I don’t mean to downplay that at all! But I didn’t become an Amazing Game Designer at game launch, I’m still an English teacher with a gamedev hobby.

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