How LOST Will End

I started watching LOST in Yantai, so it’s been years now that I’ve been hoping to get a job working for the Dharma Initiative.  I’ve fallen a month or two behind on this season (which requires avoiding Twitter on certain evenings), but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about it. Here’s how I think the show will end:

It turns out that when Juliet set off the bomb at the end of the last season, it caused a temporal anomaly preventing her from ever being seen in any of the flashbacks, flashforwards or alternate-timestreams. In fact, if you go back and watch previous episodes, there won’t be any scenes with Juliet. The time we had been spending watching Juliet looking sad and being sneaky is now spent developing backstories on the Temple-Others, Illana and her sidekicks, the Still-more-others, and all the rest of the red shirts who keep appearing on the once-deserted island.

Miles is walking through the forest when dead Charlotte asks him to tell Daniel how much she always loved him. Dead Daniel sends a message of love, via Miles, right back to her. Charlotte sends one back. Miles has to walk back and forth in the jungle, which isn’t entirely bad because he stumbles across Nikki and Paolo, who mention the diamonds. They’re actually worth $8, 151,623.42

Someone asks Jack a perfectly reasonable question. He pulls a gun on them and says no.

Someone asks Kate a perfectly reasonable question. She pulls a gun on them and says no, but actually means yes.

Someone asks Sawyer a perfectly reasonable questions. He says “I’m just trying to get off this rock!”

Sayid is left alone with the Others’/Dharma Initiative’s power station for about ten minutes, and runs a secret wire out to Rose and Bernard’s hut in the woods so they can have a hot shower and a reading light. Rose and Bernard also have takeout from the Mr. Cluck’s Chicken Shack (it was on the island the whole time, but it was over on the side with the lighthouse) sometimes. They hold hands a lot and smile.

A flash-sideways shows Rose and Bernard driving past a Mr. Cluck’s on their way to another restaurant. They bicker.

Someone asks Jack a perfectly reasonable question. He pulls a gun on them and says no.

Someone asks Kate a perfectly reasonable question. She pulls a gun on them and says yes, but actually means no.

Someone asks Sawyer a perfectly reasonable questions. He says “We have to get off this rock!”

Jin and Sun have a tearful reunion. He gives her a flower, and she shows him a picture of their daughter, who’s talking in her timestream, but hasn’t been born in his. More crying.

Meanwhile, Team Whitmore, Team Linus, Team Smoky, Evil Sayid and Jacob’s ghost all have a giant faceoff battle. With giant killer robots. When asked about the giant killer robots, Ben Linus gives the intense stare and says “Oh, those? Peter built them. Peter built everything here.” There’s dramatic music.

After the break, a random new character called Peter appears, he joins the epic battle.

Someone asks Jack a perfectly reasonable question. He pulls a gun on them and says no.

Someone asks Kate a perfectly reasonable question. She pulls a gun on them and says yes, but actually means no. But then she means yes.

Someone asks Sawyer a perfectly reasonable question. He says “It’s the only way for us to get off this rock!”

We trace the history of Hurley’s numbers through a series of flashbacks, each leading to a new revelation about the numbers and Hurley’s bad luck. At the end, he falls madly in love with a games blogger with purple hair.

Did I miss anything?