China Blog Mixtape

First, here’s a Danwei article about the way the F-bomb pops up in Chinglish translations, and why. Check it out, if only for the screenshot of the computer translations.

Lost Laowai talks about the Rape of Nanking. And not in the CCTV9 70th anniversary documentary way, either.

…it surprised me that I had gone a quarter of a century on this planet and never heard of Nanjing, never mind anyone raping it.

When I ended up moving to China not long after, I was a bit taken aback by the overt hate and racism towards Japan and Japanese. I mean, sure I had only relatively recently heard of the horrors that befell Chinese at the hands of Japanese soldiers – but that was nearly 70 years ago, how could they still be pissed about it?

But I think it’s my ignorance towards this part of history that is largely responsible. We shout the loudest when no one is listening, and for a long time no one was listening to China.

Tim Johnson on China Rises talks about Beijing air quality. It’s not alarmist predictions of environmental doom, just an expat and father wondering about the long-term effects of China air. Obviously we don’t have kids, but Stick and I often wonder if the price to pay for our Chinese adventure is a hacking cough.

Beijing is severely polluted. Call me ethnocentric but my experience is that most Chinese have no idea how severe the pollution is. They’ve rarely or never been outside of China, and they’ve grown accustomed to the haze and smog. We Westerners are not. Yet we choose to live here, often for very good job reasons, even enjoying ourselves greatly. And our kids’ health may suffer in the process. It’s not something most parents want to dwell on.

Optimists see the Forbidden City, the Temple Of Heaven and the Rainbow bridge, but blogger Imagetheif wants to know Beijing ugliest buildings. There are so many modern monsters that it’s hard to pick one, and a lot of buildings that look fine alone (the leaning tower of CCTV or the Olympic bird’s nest) don’t look so great when surrounded by Beijing’s grey Soviet blocks and competing neon.

Strolling down Chang’an Avenue recently I was struck by how much of central Beijing’s recent construction is, well, nasty. Seriously: Jianwai Soho, Twins Mall, Wanda, it’s all transforming the Boulevard into one long strip of gleaming, mixed-use wreckage pockmarked with Starbucks outlets.

And an older one, but worth repeating. Sinoplice‘s entry on Why Life In China Is Like An RPG

9. It takes place in a magical world where people believe in mystical concepts like qi and fengshui
10. The people take legends very seriously (even 5,000 year old ones)
11. The word “peasant” doesn’t seem out of place
12. There are plenty of barmaids in the taverns and women of ill repute on the streets
13. The background story: a legendary kingdom has fallen under the control of a powerful, malevolent force, and heroes are nowhere to be found…

Posted in Beijing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Place By Night

The Place, Friday night, after the giant movie screen was turned off.

Posted in New York City | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Traffic Cops

Stick and I were in a taxi last night, when the taxi driver turned around and told us he knew we were British (This happens a LOT… we were actually on the way to a restaurant where the waitress through we were British. I’m going to hope it’s the good manners and not the bad teeth). When we told him, no, we’re Americans, he told us he knew about America.

“In America, if the policeman stops you, you have to — ” Here he put his hands on the back of his head, while driving, in a way that only Beijing cabbies can “– and if you move, they will — ” He made a gun with his non-horn hand. “Pow! Pow! And then game over! Dead!”

“That’s not American life. We’ve been stopped by police and we’ve never even seen the policeman’s gun,” Stick told him. “You have to pay a fine, and listen to a lecture, but no one shoots at you!”

“No, it’s true.” our driver said. “I heard it on the radio AND it was in the newspaper.”

I thought maybe he was referring to a specific case of a trigger-happy cop, but he insisted it was all American police, and if you move your hands when you’re pulled over? Then POW! Game over! This lasted until we got to the restaurant.

“I think America is too dangerous — Watch out!” he shouted, as Stick tried to open the sidewalk-side door, into an oncoming bicycle.

Posted in Beijing | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

World’s Most Boring Lesson

Or my kids playing Verb Charades.

Posted in New York City | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Stick On Life In China

“The next time I play Civ, I’m going to NOT develop Alphabet and see how far my civilization can go.”

Posted in New York City | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Ministry Of Silly Walks

I have a student, we’ll call him Alex, since that’s what I think his English name is supposed to be. Whenever Alex goes up to the board to answer a question, he wants to hop or skip or crawl or dance back to his seat. He’s not the only student who does this, in fact most of my boys have tried it once, but stopped when I scolded them.

So every day, sometimes more than once, I say “Alex! Come back here and walk properly!” This isn’t exactly the kids’ vocabulary, but my tone and their knowledge that you’re really not supposed to be robot-walking around the room gets it across. It causes the embarrassed floor-stare but never the blank look that means I’ve spoken too much of the barbarian tongue.

Anyway, today Alex went to the front of the room, and showed us Square and Circle. When he turned to go back to his seat, he lifted his arms like a cartoon runner.

Before he could move, though, a little girl shouted “Alex! Come back here and walk properly!”

Posted in New York City | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Margaritaville, Beijing

Mexican Wave
Dongdaqiao Lu opposite the Silk Market
200m north of Gui You Department Store,

??????????200???
??????

We decided to go to Mexican Wave mostly because it’s near the Sour Cream Emporium, that is, the Friendship Store.

Inside, the place was like any little Mexican joint at home, with ads for Mexican beer on the walls and a guitar player. The menu is pretty extensive, with typical dishes like enchiladas and burritos as well as less-Mexican options like burgers and jamabalaya, and of course, pizza. (Why does every Western-ish restaurant offer pizza?) Our waitress spoke decent English, and she was helpful about getting our difficult customer fed.

The appetizers we tried, stuffed jalepenos and chicken taquitos, were amazing. The only way the appetizers could have been improved is by offering a sampler plate to combine all of the options.
The margaritas were fantastic as well. Let’s be honest here, margaritas and guacamole are the best things about Mexican restuarant! There are all kinds of flavored margaritas, and there’s also a selection of beers and cocktails in case you don’t share my love for the margarita.

Sadly, the entrees were second-rate versions of typical dishes, which came all with “Spanish rice,” a sticky rice compote with bits of tomato, potato and the ubiquitious corn, as well as “refried beans,” a black bean puree. Very disappointing, especially after the fantastic starters.

Cleanest bathrooms since the Vegetarian and Tea place. Plus there was a cool Aztec-looking design on the wall.

I’d go there again, mostly for the margaritas but also to try some of the appetizers we didn’t get to sample.

Posted in Beijing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hello Kitty Chinglish

I got a pack of Hello Kitty reward stickers at the supermarket to give to my students. (I have one class with three girls called Kitty, and that makes saying “Hello, Kitty!” hilarious.) It was an assortment of stickers, with normal ones like Nice Work, Well Done and Super!, but there were also some unusual ones…


Good things, if not how I usually praise my students. I especially like Love Reading, partly because that’s what my teachers would have stuck on my papers if they had the Hello Kitty assortment pack, and partly because it sounds like an imperative. I guess Adamancy could go either way, either dedicated or stubborn.

But I think I’ll save this one for the bad kids:

My TA said that the Chinese means “soft” or “tender”… I can imagine how that translation came about.

Chinese speaker: What do you call this congee?
English speaker: Bland.

Posted in New York City | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Crisis Averted

I left to go to my meeting WITHOUT A SHOWER or WASHING MY FACE, and when I was at school, I told Stick that we have no water. Stick’s class had finished, so he went home to fix it.

I guess I kind of left all the taps in the ON position. Not intentionally, just because while I was freaking out about the lack of water, I turned the taps on and off about a hundred times and I guess I forgot which is on and which is off. Anyway, Stick got home and he went to investigate the plumbing situation, and rusty, dirty water started to drip out of all the taps. Luckily he came home and shut them off before the rusty water started to pour out of everything!

However, Stick was so excited at the prospect of fixing the plumbing that he decided to do something that involves a screwdriver and taking the showerhead apart and now not only do we have hot water (so what if it’s a little brown?), but we have water pressure!

Stick would like you all to know that he is very handy around the house.

Posted in New York City | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Why No One Here Likes Morning Showers

Because you might wake up and have no water in the apartment!

I woke up and there was water to make the coffee. Then I did a little work in my bathrobe, until it was time to wake up Stick to take his shower. There was water then, the bathroom tile is still wet from Stick’s shower, but now nothing’s coming out of any of the faucets! Not the shower, the bathroom sink or the kitchen tap either. Which means no second cup of coffee, but that’s probably ok since I can’t brush my teeth, either!

I knew I shouldn’t have been nice to Stick! Why did I let him shower first?

Posted in New York City | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment